Busy Week!

I realize it's only been two days since my last post, but it feels like it's been weeks. Sometimes time flies, and sometimes life drags on.

My brother flew in to visit this week, so I've been subjecting him to my horse related adventures along with showing him around the Seattle area. It's funny, I forgot what it was like to NOT have a horse (aka, have money.) We went shopping on Friday and I saw a pair of sunglasses. I tried them on, fell in love with them, then checked the price tag. $139.00!!! Seriously!? I automatically thought of what that would buy Denali, put them back and then proceeded to try to look for a cheaper pair. My brother told me how nice they looked, and I laughed at him. They better for that price!! He bought them for me. I am terrified I'm going to break them, ruin, them, loose them. They are currently the most expensive item that I own (that doesn't include my horse stuff.) I feel fancy! I definitely have zero fashion sense, so they are a bit silly, but I do love them!

Today I woke up and drug my brother out to SAFE to visit Sampson. He was born yesterday and I'm already in love. His momma is a Percheron/TB cross, and we THINK his dad is a TB. The poor momma came from a very neglectful situation. The woman who lives on there property is amazing! I don't know how she does it! I talked to her yesterday and she said to stop out. I was super excited. He's adorable! His momma though isn't being a very good momma. When I left she wasn't letting him nurse. Apparently she started to stop trying to kill him and let him nurse. After the visit of the new cutie! We went to my barn to visit the princess. Her lessee was coming out to ride her and I wanted to watch. Denali was doing the THROW her head up while she was riding. Naughty pony. I don't know why she does that. She just wasn't relaxing into the bit. She didn't do it the entire time.

After her lessee finished arena work, and before she took her out for a ride down the road I hopped up on her. Yes. You just read that correctly. I got on my horse. Keep in mind that I was on the lunge line, and we only rode for a short period of time, maybe 5 minutes. I kept a number in my head of my fear. It was a 2 for the most part, but spiked to a 7 when my brother walked outside the arena and she perked her ears at him. After that it was a 5, and I made myself stay on for a few more "laps" and then got off. It felt better to get on her than I thought, although I don't think I'm going to be competing anytime soon.


I think I've figured it out. She spooks and does stupid things (great example in a few paragraphs) and I KNOW that I'm not able to handle those. I just keep thinking of what COULD happen. I figure though, as long as I don't put myself in those situations. I think the lunge line for now is just fine. People go from not riding at all to competing in a year. I can do that right? (Not "real" shows, just little ones.) HELL, I'd be happy with cantering her in the arena.

After I finished, my trainer hopped up on her for a few laps around the arena. Poor Denali, she probably felt like a pony ride. When she finished, her lessee took her out to go for a ride down the hill. While they were gone, my trainer told me to go check out the "Denali Proof" paddock. I had asked her to put up more hot wire. Passive aggressive? Lol. I don't think so. Honestly it takes this much hot wire to keep her away from the wood. I was appreciative of all of this. I told her I'd help her finish it up.

While we were admiring her "Denali Proofing" Denali and her lessee came back up the road. I guess she was naughty. She wanted to go up the hill quickly, and I guess she reared up a bit when her lessee won't let her then threatened to buck. Not bad, but I definitely thought to myself "Yikes!! I'm going to die." Then I realized that I won't be riding her anytime soon on a trail. Not until I'm ready, therefore I don't need to worry about it. I'll think about it one small step at a time. I'll stop thinking about all her stupid tricks. I'm only going to do things with her that I can handle. Right now I can handle walking on the lunge line. We'll do that until I'm "bored" then we'll move to trotting....etc. Baby, baby, baby steps!!

After our pony filled afternoon, I decided to add to my brother's misery by taking him to the tack shop to look at boots. I liked these ones. They seem to have everything that I want, except the outside is made of what looks to be a not very durable foam, and I'm afraid it would be totally trashed in a short period of time. Not a problem when boots cost $25.00, but these ones were $90.00. I asked the one girl what she knew of them and their durability. She said they ordered them because they looked "interesting." Yes, great, but how do they hold up? I'm not going to buy boots that only last a few months. Here's the info on the boots that I found.

Tri-zone Allsports Boot

One of the most versatile boots on the market, the Tri-zone Allsports Boot features an innovative Airlite triple layer system. Due to their light, breathable and robust construction, these boots are ideal for schooling, cross-country, endurance, racing and hacking. They provide a high level of protection while at the same time minimizing weight on the leg. Can be used on front and hind legs.

Allsports Boot Construction:

• The outer layer is made of EVA, formed into a mesh for lightness.
• The inner layer is another layer of EVA made in a distinctive design of oval holes and shaped raised areas that minimize weight, generate channelling for air, and help disperse shockwaves.
• These two layers of EVA provide effective protection against both concussion and penetration injuries.
• This protection is further enhanced by a strip of polycarbonate inserted down the back of the boot, inside the mesh, to protect vulnerable tendons.
• Between the two EVA layers is a fine mesh to prevent dirt getting inside the boot.
  

That's it in my pony life. I hope that everyone has a great weekend!!

Life's funny

When I first realized that I was "afraid" of Denali I didn't tell anyone. I would go to the barn and groom her and when asked if I was riding I'd give an excuse. I was full of them, and they all fit the situation. It's been a year. It's getting old. I'm getting old and it isn't going to get better.

When I went to the barn on Wednesday someone (sorry I can't remember who) said that I need to throw the switch back on. I laughed, but they're right. I still remember the few short moments that lead up to this. Hilariously, none of them involved riding and all of them happened in a three week period of time.

Day 1 back in the United States (actually Day 2, but first full day....rambling sorry) and Ophie's mom drove me out to the prison that my horse was being kept in. O's mom was trying to explain to me what the place was REALLY like. She didn't own Ophie at that point, and wanted to leave, but couldn't...not yet. Denali was the thing I dreamed about for 5 months. I fantasized about her, I couldn't WAIT to see her. I hadn't heard a lot about how she was doing due to our lack of phone. I had gotten e-mail tid-bits here and there. I was beyond BEYOND excited to see her. It had been 5 LONG months and I longed for her smell, for her little quirks, to be with her again. I ran to her stall, ignoring the fact that the barn was a piece of shit.

I opened her stall and she looked so different. Her eyes were angry, and it almost looked like no horse was behind them. She was eating and lunged at me when I went into her stall. I was stupid and jumped back out without reprimanding her. I was shocked. One of the people at the barn stood there telling me that she had lost a lot of weight due to the stress of the snow storm that Seattle had last year. I couldn't check her that night because it was really late, and I didn't know the barn well enough of where I could take her to check her out. The next day I went to get her, opened her stall and she turned and double barrel kicked me. I was still totally shocked, but hit her butt with the end of the lead rope. She turned and I got her lead rope on her. We walked out of the stall and she tried to take off running. I pulled back, and she started to rear up. I yanked her, and she came down and then started bucking around me. She was wild and unruly. I kept thinking that this wasn't what I signed up for. I started backing her down the aisle way towards the round pen. I couldn't let her walk forward, she's freak out.

I somehow got her into the round pen. I was sweaty. She was sweaty. It was 10 degrees and January. It was MAYBE 50 feet from her stall. I somehow got her blanket off of her. I don't know how I did it. One of my friends held her, but it wasn't easy. She kept moving. When I got her blanket off I was shocked. She had no muscle tone. Her neck looked horrible, she looked horrible. I started to cry. I could count all of her ribs (easily, not TB counting) and the guilt set in. I should have taken pictures, I should have done something. I didn't know what to do. I knew I needed to feed her. I assumed that she hadn't been fed, her water had been frozen over. It was a horrible, HORRIBLE three weeks. She took out the arena wall, she broke out of her fence at night, ate 8 other horses breakfast and I got into it with the owner because she wanted me to pay for it (I asked her to fix the fence at least three times) I couldn't let her run anywhere because there was no real turn out. I moved her then. We found my current barn and I'm not sure where we'd be without my trainer. I need to remember this when I get frustrated with her. She came to my barn and loaded my horse. I was crying too hard, I couldn't do it. I was terrified of her. I have referenced this experience several times in this blog, but those three weeks totally changed our relationship. She was depressed, angry, and sick. I was excited and then all that excitement was quickly deflated. She's back to normal. She's happy, she's healthy, she's normal. I want to feel the way I felt about her on the way out to that hell hole my first day back in Seattle.

1st step, Admit you have a problem

I think that's easily said that I've done it. They said it's either PTSD, or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'll bet it's more of a generalized Anxiety Disorder than the PTSD or maybe a mixture of both. Regardless, very interesting videos!!

Taking a bite out of crime...

...and by crime I mean Denali.

Ran out to the barn to see Ms. D. I've felt really guilty not getting out there very often. I know that doesn't help me either. I've ridden 7 or 8 times in the past 6 months. That's sad. Really sad. I don't have any really good excuses. Here are some of my favorite:

It's too cold
It's too hot
She seems cranky
I'm cranky
It's raining (and during Seattle's winters that's every other day)
It's windy
I'm too sore
I'm afraid that she's still sick (EPM)
She's lame (which feels like every other day)
I'm lame
The arena's too full
The arena's too empty
The horse next to the arena is making her nervous
She's too hyper
She's too much horse...
and I have about a million more...

I could go on and on. Seriously. Maybe I should add that to my list of excuses. Between her being sick with EPM, me hurting my knee (which STILL isn't fixed, but is livable), my foot (toe healed up sans one toe nail) and now my hip (fall from her last weekend) I am a walking disaster. It's hard to get back into riding when I'm totally out of shape. It's hard to get back into shape when my knee kills me and my hip burns. Sigh. More excuses. I know this.

Anyway, back to the barn. I've been really nervous about her in the cross ties ever since witnessing Ms. Ophelia freak out twice. Doesn't make a lot of sense since it wasn't even Denali. I still don't like putting her in the cross times with her rope halter. I ordered a replacement piece for her break away, but it's not in yet.

I'm ridiculous. I know that.

I've been doing work with her in the round pen for a week or so. Nothing ground breaking. Working on transitions, getting her to listen to me, and most importantly getting me to work with her.

I love her. I really feel like before I went to Denmark we had a really good relationship. A mutual respect. Now, some days I do and some days I don't. Ugh. I'm sure if I rode daily, I'd feel better.

Sorry. I think it's pretty ridiculous that she makes me so nervous. I know this.

Back to my title. When I got Ms. D, I noticed that she has a big old bite mark on her neck. I put some medicine on it and gave her a good grooming. It's impressive. I've never seen a bite mark that big on her. She seems to be getting more and more of them. I noticed also today that her big scare from her fight with Maddie (RIP) is less than a centimeter in size. Much better than the 3 1/2 inch open gash she had. I'd bet that anyone who didn't know here wouldn't know it was ever anything big. She's healed up nicely.

She had a big knot in her neck, I tried massaging it out, but I don't think I ever relaxed it the whole way. I think the girl needs a massage sometime. She is really tight.

Enough rambling, maybe I should change my title to "A crazy girl and her crazy horse." OH! Thank you Beth for the tip, www.justbridles.com SUCH an easier option! I've also e-mailed SmartPak and hope to talk to them about what to give the girl. Thanks everyone for the suggestions.

Happy Birthday Denali

Denali had a good birthday. Her dad took off of work early (thanks honey!) to come see her. He went and got her from the field, and she was a very good girl. We took her to the front field and let her eat grass then brought her in to eat her cake. She wasn't really into it. She eats hay with much more gusto than she ate her cake. The other ponies LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the individual cakes I made, so I don't think it's my cooking.

I got enough courage to ride her. She was really calm, really good, but about 2 minutes into it I got scared and quickly ended our short 10 minute ride. I don't know what my problem is. I need lunge line lessons on her to feel good on her. She's such a good girl. In my heart I know that I'm being ridiculous and stupid, but the fear that overtakes me, it's so real and it's so scary. I talked to my old trainer tonight (I MISS YOU!) and was trying to explain to her how I felt about riding Denali, she's good to bounce ideas off of. I asked her how "wild" Denali was at our last barn and she agreed with me that she was a !@#$ing basket case! I need to get over the fact that was a year ago and she's calmed down a lot. She has a good 45 days on her, and hasn't been totally out of control for some time. I KNOW I can ride her, I KNOW that I can stay on if she bolts, but I just can't get it through my head. As I sit here I'm still sick to my stomach. I'm ridiculous!

We also had Marianne come visit us! Denali liked to feel so special! It was a good birthday, aside from the fact that she is afraid of her Lik-it in her stall. lol. :)

Also sending good vibes to Kristen and Laz!! I'm praying for a miracle!!

I've had a long drama filled weekend. Check back tomorrow for THAT explanation. I didn't want to taint Denali's birthday with drama.

Adorable!

This video is adorable!

I am going tomorrow to a different barn with a different trainer. I need to get over my ridiculous fear of riding. I hoped up on my trainers horse tonight, and my heart was in my throat. I don't understand why. Yes, it's been since November since I rode, but I still have something I worry about and I can't put my finger on it. (Dying might be it)

I love my trainer, I love my horse, I love my barn. I just need a change of scenery. The trainer I'm going to is highly recommended by a woman I really respect. We'll see. Wish me luck!

Magic Pant FAIL

enSo the pants may keep my ass in the saddle, but they don't keep me from freaking out. Lesson 1. Rode Denali on Wednesday night and about had a heart attack. I honestly almost died. It was horrible. She was fine, and my trainer told met that it was the best I've looked. She figured out what I'm doing wrong with my legs and we're going to work on it next time. I just need to keep riding.

Denali must be feeling some effects from her meds. She went TEARING around the arena for about 10 minutes, nothing like her video, like...well.... a race horse ;0) She was whinnying and screaming. She's also in season so she was just a hot mess (as my middle school students use to say to me.)

Happy Friday!! I'm hoping to go look at horses tomorrow. I'll explain that next time :)