I make New Years resolutions every year. It usually involves stopping drugs and trips to the porn store (things I don't do therefore I always keep my resolution.) I went to a Catholic High School and ALWAYS got into trouble with the Nuns because I continually said stupid shit like that at Lent. I was a horrible student. Actually, not horrible, but definitely a goof ball.
This year I plan to make REAL resolutions and keep them. I kept saying I need to write them down, I need to remember what my resolutions are so I keep them. Consider yourself lucky, you get to read my stupid resolutions (save yourself now!) I figured this was as good of a place as any.
Denali has resolutions she wants to make too, I told her I'd write them down on here for her too.
Here they go.
* Lose weight (I know, I know everyone makes this one!) However, I think I've gained 45 pounds since I got married. Seriously, 45 pounds! I've been married 3 years and I've gone downhill VERY quickly. I want to lose that 45 pounds before I'm 30 (December 7, 2010) so I have a lot of work to do.
*Stop snacking between meals (see above)
*No more Dairy Queen. :( Ophelia's mom and I are on a first name basis with the manager at Dairy Queen. Seriously, he gets a big smile on his face when we walk in. It's sad. We actually considered buying him a Christmas gift, but decided that would be creepy.
*Make healthy meals. Stop making my poor husband cook all the time. I cooked all the time in Denmark, and I think he misses that. I blame our kitchen, it's so small and I hate being in it.
*Exercise once I get the "OK" from the Doctor. I use to work out EVERY DAY, I even drove 10 miles just to go to the gym. Now I have a million excuses.
*Make less excuses.
*Less complaining at work. I promise to leave my principal alone! I don't complain as much as I do talk. I promise to not talk her ear off. I know I don't talk about her much on here, but she is amazing and I love her (but not in a creepy stalker way.) I don't get to spend much time with "normal" people so when I run into her I think I talk forever.
*Lastly, be a better horse mom. I have been sucking at taking care of Denali. I can't remember the last time I rode her! Actually it was the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Yikes. Sometimes I wonder why I still own her since I don't ride her, but I can't give her up.
Now for Denali's New Years Resolutions:
*Give Ophelia a 10 second head start before I try to attack her.
*Stop kicking the wall between mine and Juliet's stall when she looks over the top at me. (Boy does THAT piss her off.)
*Take bites out of apples and carrots instead of inhaling them all at once.
*Think before I freak out.
*Stop trying to kill small children.
I'm sure she has more, but that's all I have to write down. She's like for the BO's resolutions to include upping her feed and hay. That's not going to happen. It was a year ago today that I went to the barn for the first time, after being away in Denmark, to find out that she had lost a TON of weight and was "crazy." I really though I'd be less afraid of her a year later, but I'm not. I guess that should be a resolution-Stop being afraid of my horse. I won't say I'm afraid of her, but she does make me nervous!
What do you do for resolutions? Do you start them? I'd put down how much I weigh on here to document that but my husband, WHO I LOVE, sometimes reads my blog and I'll NEVER admit how much I weigh in front of him.
No news on "Little Gary." I hope that things are going well for him. Poor kid :(
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Bad News on "Lil Gary"
I got a message on my phone today about "Little Gary." He got thrown out of his new foster home. They were asking me if I could come get him today. Unfortunately I'm on the East Coast, and honestly, I don't know if I could handle him again. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do my job (Somewhat good teacher, NOT GOOD PARENT.) Regardless I don't need to do any thinking since I'm not available to take him. This is going to sound horrible. He needs a residential treatment facility. He's not medicated properly, and until he is, he's going to continue to be unsafe to himself and others. He needs to be in a place where they can safely take him off all his meds, and then figure out what works for him. I am trying to talk them into putting him back into my classroom. That would require him being back in my school district. It's a huge district so I'm hoping someone in the district can take him. Poor kid, I feel awful and so does my husband, but we both know that is not something we are prepared to do full time. Go ahead tell me I'm horrible. I feel it....
Other than that I fell down the stairs today at my parents. I was walking down looking back at my mom while talking... They have a Ranch style house, and when I hit the landing I stepped on one of her monster golden retrievers. I jumped up and then went backwards down the stairs. My Golden, who's AMAZING, came running over to me as I layed at the bottom of the stairs, and licked my face then took off running to find my dad. He then came back and waited for me until my dad came. It was a true Lassie moment. What a good dog. I didn't think I hurt anything, I mean my knee is already fucked up (potty mouth, I know.) However, as the day goes on my back is turning black. Not black n' blue, but black. It hurts so freaking bad.
Okay, off to sleep and try to figure out what to do about "Gary." Think good thoughts!!
Other than that I fell down the stairs today at my parents. I was walking down looking back at my mom while talking... They have a Ranch style house, and when I hit the landing I stepped on one of her monster golden retrievers. I jumped up and then went backwards down the stairs. My Golden, who's AMAZING, came running over to me as I layed at the bottom of the stairs, and licked my face then took off running to find my dad. He then came back and waited for me until my dad came. It was a true Lassie moment. What a good dog. I didn't think I hurt anything, I mean my knee is already fucked up (potty mouth, I know.) However, as the day goes on my back is turning black. Not black n' blue, but black. It hurts so freaking bad.
Okay, off to sleep and try to figure out what to do about "Gary." Think good thoughts!!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Bah Humbug
This was my Christmas Present, I THINK I wrote about it. It is SO Beautiful!! This photo doesn't do it justice, but I wanted to try!
I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday, whatever it is you celebrated. My husband and I are both from Pennsylvania so we flew back home last Tuesday. Needless to say I am NEVER coming home for the holidays again. I hate coming home. My mom, who I love, dis invited us to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Needless to say things were a little bit tense around here. We spent the holidays with his family instead. Maybe someday I'll write more about that here, but I'm over it and am not in the mood to revisit it anytime soon.
My knee WAS doing better. I was doing stairs, I was bending it, it was feeling 80% better.... THEN smart one (me) hit it off of a chair. I honestly thought I was going to throw up. It hurt so bad!
Denali's good I guess, lol. I haven't seen her since the 19th. Her trainer called to tell me she cut her nose, but she was fine. I swear that horse can hurt herself on a dandelion.
We fly back to Seattle on Wednesday. I wish we had more time off before work started up again. I'm not ready to deal with munchkins yet. I know, I know, at least I have time off. I went to a Christmas party yesterday and the first thing everyone asked me was for some work stories. I told my favorite story from when I taught middle school EBD (Emotional/Behavioral Disabilities.) I thought that I'd share a trip down "Memory Lane"
Once upon a time I had a student. I got him as an 8th grader and needless to say I thought he'd be the most difficult student I've ever worked with. I even went as far to say, "I'll never have another student as difficult as ........ " FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
One year to the day I got a phone call that I'd be getting a new student who was having a difficult time at his current school. My supervisor told me that he thought he'd do well in my program. I normally have an intake meeting, but downtown gave me some story about him needing to be in a school and that we didn't have time for a meeting. (Mistake Number 1.)
His first day in our classroom (picture 5 feet tall, 280 pounds - I kid you not) he started out well. Cognitively he was really low and I suspect (still) a genetic disorder. I'm not a Doctor and keep my comments to myself on this. ANYWAY, he was sitting at his desk, I was helping another student when he took off ruaddling (running/waddling.) My assistant went out after him, and I assumed that he would get him back. After about a minute I got nervous, put my one student in charge and walked out into the hall. I didn't see them, so I peeked out the door to see this new student yelling every swearword he knew at my assistant. I got frustrated with my assistant for allowing him to get out of the building (seriously, he was huge and he couldn't really run.) I sent him back in and I walked up towards the student who took off down the street. It was raining out (December) and I had left my coat in the classroom. He crossed the busy city street and started to tear off fence posts and throwing them at me, followed by rocks, bird houses, mail boxes (I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I'm sure I'm forgetting some things.) He was still ruaddling and I reached in my pocket for my cell phone an realized that it was back in my classroom. At this point I was waiting for the cops to show up for his property damage (our school was in a nice neighborhood) and I was PISSED. My supervisor didn't give me any heads up and just gave me this kid with no indication that he was capable of this kind of language/destruction. I didn't want to restrain him because at this point we were 10 blocks from school and I knew he'd put on an amazing show once I touched him.
My knee WAS doing better. I was doing stairs, I was bending it, it was feeling 80% better.... THEN smart one (me) hit it off of a chair. I honestly thought I was going to throw up. It hurt so bad!
Denali's good I guess, lol. I haven't seen her since the 19th. Her trainer called to tell me she cut her nose, but she was fine. I swear that horse can hurt herself on a dandelion.
We fly back to Seattle on Wednesday. I wish we had more time off before work started up again. I'm not ready to deal with munchkins yet. I know, I know, at least I have time off. I went to a Christmas party yesterday and the first thing everyone asked me was for some work stories. I told my favorite story from when I taught middle school EBD (Emotional/Behavioral Disabilities.) I thought that I'd share a trip down "Memory Lane"
Once upon a time I had a student. I got him as an 8th grader and needless to say I thought he'd be the most difficult student I've ever worked with. I even went as far to say, "I'll never have another student as difficult as ........ " FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
One year to the day I got a phone call that I'd be getting a new student who was having a difficult time at his current school. My supervisor told me that he thought he'd do well in my program. I normally have an intake meeting, but downtown gave me some story about him needing to be in a school and that we didn't have time for a meeting. (Mistake Number 1.)
His first day in our classroom (picture 5 feet tall, 280 pounds - I kid you not) he started out well. Cognitively he was really low and I suspect (still) a genetic disorder. I'm not a Doctor and keep my comments to myself on this. ANYWAY, he was sitting at his desk, I was helping another student when he took off ruaddling (running/waddling.) My assistant went out after him, and I assumed that he would get him back. After about a minute I got nervous, put my one student in charge and walked out into the hall. I didn't see them, so I peeked out the door to see this new student yelling every swearword he knew at my assistant. I got frustrated with my assistant for allowing him to get out of the building (seriously, he was huge and he couldn't really run.) I sent him back in and I walked up towards the student who took off down the street. It was raining out (December) and I had left my coat in the classroom. He crossed the busy city street and started to tear off fence posts and throwing them at me, followed by rocks, bird houses, mail boxes (I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I'm sure I'm forgetting some things.) He was still ruaddling and I reached in my pocket for my cell phone an realized that it was back in my classroom. At this point I was waiting for the cops to show up for his property damage (our school was in a nice neighborhood) and I was PISSED. My supervisor didn't give me any heads up and just gave me this kid with no indication that he was capable of this kind of language/destruction. I didn't want to restrain him because at this point we were 10 blocks from school and I knew he'd put on an amazing show once I touched him.
I decided I needed help. I saw a house with some lights on and decided that I'd run up and ask to borrow the phone. He stopped ruaddling (like how I make up words?) when I went up to the house. He continued to scream and swear at me while I was knocking on the door. My conversation went something like this...
Me: "Hi, I'm really sorry for bothering you. I am a teacher at (such a such a middle school) and I got a new student who isn't doing very well. I was wondering if I could borrow a phone?
Woman (peering over my shoulder at her rose garden being destroyed by my student who was tearing them up and throwing them at me.) : "Oh, of course you can borrow my phone (peering back over my shoulder) Do you want me to call some help? (referring to the cops."
Me (who at this point started crying) : "No, I'll be fine, I'm really sorry about your yard, you can contact the school for reimbursement."
Woman (handing me a jacket: "Tell you what, don't worry about the yard. Take the phone with you and you can keep this jacket (which said Microsoft Executive on it.) Just bring back the phone when you are done with it."
Seriously, NICEST WOMAN EVER
I took the phone, threw the coat on and walked towards the student. He started swearing at me and continued to ruaddle down the street. The first person I called was our schools Jack Ass Security guard who told me he couldn't help me because I was off school grounds. Jerk.
The next person I called was my supervisor. That conversation went like this
Me: "Hi, is this Scott?" (Not his real name)
Scott: "Yes, Hey, How's it going with Gary (not the students new name and apparently my fake name for all my students.)
Me: "I quit."
Scott: "What? Wait, What?"
Me: "I quit, Gary is currently at the corner of such a such street and just climbed up onto a garage roof. "
Scott: "I'll be right there." (Seriously 5 minutes later he was there.)
At this point my student did climb up onto a garage roof. I was waiting for the cops to come, I was waiting for him to fall through the roof (the garage was built into the hill side so that's how he got up on the roof for those who were wondering.)
Guess what he did next? Think about it? What could he possibly do next? He stripped...Naked!
I'm standing on the street with clothes flying towards me. It was about that time that my supervisor showed up.
Scott: "Oh, wow."
Me: (at this point I had been in the rain for almost two hours and was PISSED): "Good Luck, I am going back to write my letter of resignation."
Scott: "Wait, please wait. Don't quit!"
Me: "Ugh, okay, but stop screwing me over and cutting corners."
Scott: "How do we get him down?"
We finally got Gary off the roof of the garage, I think he got cold standing there in his socks. We got him into my supervisors car and back to school. We took him to the nurse's office and stood around taking his verbal and attempts at physical abuse.
It was at this point he peed on me. I kid you not.
Fast forward a few weeks. I put behavior supports in place and got Gary "under control." I'm going to be conceded here since no one knows who I am. I am very good at what I do (which is why my supervisors screw me all the time.)
It was raining outside and I forgot my sneakers at home. I had my rain boots on, and was talking to Gary about the weather. I asked him about my shoes, wanting him to generalize.
It was raining outside and I forgot my sneakers at home. I had my rain boots on, and was talking to Gary about the weather. I asked him about my shoes, wanting him to generalize.
Me: "Gary, why do you think I have rain boots on today."
Gary (who got a super intense look on his face. He was looking from my shoes to me, and from me to my shoes): "I know!," He said with a super excited tone of voice, "So when I pee on you your feet don't get wet."
Gary (who got a super intense look on his face. He was looking from my shoes to me, and from me to my shoes): "I know!," He said with a super excited tone of voice, "So when I pee on you your feet don't get wet."
Me: Sigh, "Yes, that's exactly why."
So, if you haven't figured out by now I have a VERY exciting job. I am never bored, and I am always busy with something crazy. I have a MILLION stories and haven't written any of them down, but often play with the idea of writing a book....someday.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
I'm still off on the back right
I am SO tired. I don't know the last time I have been this tired, nor the last time that my week has lasted as long as this. I thought that once Gary left that it would be a calm week. Instead they have all decided to fill the void of crazy. I was amazed at how crazy this week as been.
My knee still is killing me. I had my MRI on Tuesday and another appointment on Wednesday with the "On the Job" doctor. She tried to talk me into NOT going back to work. I said, "Oh no, I'll be fine." Ugh. I feel like I have cement in my knee. This, in return, makes me SO tired by the end of the day. I didn't tear anything, thankfully. However there is fluid built up around my knee that increases and decreases throughout the day. I also have something going on with my patella. She gave me some huge name, and told me that in her 22 years she has never heard of what is wrong with my knee (what the radiologist wrote down after my MRI.) I'm going to an Ortho doctor in January. I am hoping that by then it will be fine and I can cancel it.
Speaking of things that swell up throughout the day, Denali had her Sonogram today. The vet didn't find anything conclusive. She thought she saw "unhappy bone" in her fetlock, but we did X-rays 6 weeks ago and there wasn't anything MAJOR wrong with it, a little tiny shadowing, but that was it. I wasn't willing to re-do the X-rays. She's not off, it's not hot so I'm going to wait.
Denali's lessor came out Wednesday (maybe I mentioned that last time? I forgot!) and they had a lesson. I'm glad they seem to be getting along. Denali is a really good girl, but she needs ridden and I can't do that now. Boo. I'm glad someone can, and that she wants to ride her.
My mother and I got into a huge fight yesterday. I'm not even going to get into that, that's a whole other blog. My husband decided yesterday to give me my Christmas present. I'm in love. It's a photo of Denali's face he re-did using a program. It's BEAUTIFUL!! It looks like a painting, and I'm in love! He had it printed on canvas and I wish a picture of it would do it justice!
My knee still is killing me. I had my MRI on Tuesday and another appointment on Wednesday with the "On the Job" doctor. She tried to talk me into NOT going back to work. I said, "Oh no, I'll be fine." Ugh. I feel like I have cement in my knee. This, in return, makes me SO tired by the end of the day. I didn't tear anything, thankfully. However there is fluid built up around my knee that increases and decreases throughout the day. I also have something going on with my patella. She gave me some huge name, and told me that in her 22 years she has never heard of what is wrong with my knee (what the radiologist wrote down after my MRI.) I'm going to an Ortho doctor in January. I am hoping that by then it will be fine and I can cancel it.
Speaking of things that swell up throughout the day, Denali had her Sonogram today. The vet didn't find anything conclusive. She thought she saw "unhappy bone" in her fetlock, but we did X-rays 6 weeks ago and there wasn't anything MAJOR wrong with it, a little tiny shadowing, but that was it. I wasn't willing to re-do the X-rays. She's not off, it's not hot so I'm going to wait.
Denali's lessor came out Wednesday (maybe I mentioned that last time? I forgot!) and they had a lesson. I'm glad they seem to be getting along. Denali is a really good girl, but she needs ridden and I can't do that now. Boo. I'm glad someone can, and that she wants to ride her.
My mother and I got into a huge fight yesterday. I'm not even going to get into that, that's a whole other blog. My husband decided yesterday to give me my Christmas present. I'm in love. It's a photo of Denali's face he re-did using a program. It's BEAUTIFUL!! It looks like a painting, and I'm in love! He had it printed on canvas and I wish a picture of it would do it justice!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Exhausted!
Now for the story!
Monday (which is ALWAYS HECTIC in a BD room) my little guy was totally out of control to say the least. We all felt bad because we knew he was already in a horrible foster home and was probably really worried about going to another foster home. His bus was late because he tired to jump out of the back door so they had to wait for intervention to come ride with him. The entire day was concentrated on him. My poor other kiddos got neglected since at least two of us had to be with the little guy to keep him safe. It was very tiring.
Around 1:30 I got a phone call from the office that CPS was on their way and needed to talk to the little guy (I can't even think of a fake name for him.) I was confused, since I know a report was made a week ago, why they were coming that day.
The lady showed up and our conversation went like this.
"I'm here to see Gary" (fake name, see I can make one up!)
"Okay, I'll go get him, but it might be a minute. Last time I checked he was naked."
(5 minutes later after wrestling clothes back on him I walked him to the office.)
"Thanks. I need you to leave us alone so I can talk to him."
"I can't do that"
(At this point she got angry with me)
"I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to him alone and you'll just have to understand."
"Okay, but remember that was your choice."
(Office door closes)
( 0.3 seconds later)
(Office door opens)
"You can come in with us." (No shit! You think I want to be in there for fun!? "Gary" was unmedicated and totally out of control.)
During the conversation I found out that something really bad had happened to him in the morning. CPS decided that he couldn't go back to the house and the social worker would need to find him a place to stay for the night. I explained my concern over Gary going with people who didn't know what to expect. Yes, he's only 7, but he's very difficult to understand if you don't understand his background. He's very wild, and always in survival mode.
I walked back to my room and between the office and the classroom (20 feet) the Social worker had called me twice. She asked me if I was serious about taking him. I said, "Yes" because I didn't want him traumatized with yet something else added to his baggage. I needed to call my husband to get his SS number. He answered the phone and as I was talking to him I opened my outside door to see him standing there. He knew I'd be upset about Gary leaving, so he came to say goodbye too and to just hang out with my kids (I LOVE MY HUSBAND!) Long story short we became his guardians.
Last night was really challenging. I think he had a great night. It broke my heart when he started to make up his own bed on the couch. I know it's great when a 7 year old knows how to do things, but the fact that he was doing this because he's never had anyone to really take care of him is just so sad.
We watched Coraline and had dinner. My husband got him to eat all his veggies (something I've never been able to do.) He went "manic" twice during the night. I don't know how to explain that other than imagine Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He'd go from totally sweet to trying to figure out how to kill us. The episodes lasted for 20 minutes and the other one was almost an hour. Gary finally fell asleep at 10:30 (we tried to get him asleep at 8!) He's on meds to help him sleep and we didn't have those either.
I think I slept an hour and a half. I kept imagining waking up with him standing over us with a knife. Sadly, he would do this if given the devices. It's really sad. I was really worried about the morning because it was my responsibility to take him to his day care to await his new family. Something he didn't want to do. However, in the morning he was back to being at total love bug. I got him there all on my own. He didn't even try to escape.
He is going to a Therapeutic Foster home. I hope they give him the chance he deserves. I hope they are really trained to take care of him the way he needs to be taken care of. I hope he has a wonderful Christmas. My husband and I are still in the process of finishing our paperwork. We'd like to be a respit home for him so we can still see him.
That's his short story. I have a million more. I should write a book.
As for my horse (that's why I have this blog right?) She's doing well. I took her bell boots off of her outside. She's to lazy to run hard enough to tear a shoe off outside. Sunday my hubby and I went out to see her (the fourth time he's seen her since May.) We walked into her paddock and she came nickering up to me. THEN she saw him, and she took off running to him. DENALI IS OBSESSED with my husband. She always has been since she first met him. I have no idea how she remembers him, or why she loves him so much ( I know why I do!) but she does.
Tomorrow the lessor is coming back out to ride her. I had my MRI this morning and have another appointment tomorrow. I'm walking better, but it still hurts. I am just hoping that it's fine.
Okay, I've had 3 hours sleep in 24. I'm off to bed!! Thanks for everyones comments! I'll let you know how Gary's doing as soon as I hear!!
Monday (which is ALWAYS HECTIC in a BD room) my little guy was totally out of control to say the least. We all felt bad because we knew he was already in a horrible foster home and was probably really worried about going to another foster home. His bus was late because he tired to jump out of the back door so they had to wait for intervention to come ride with him. The entire day was concentrated on him. My poor other kiddos got neglected since at least two of us had to be with the little guy to keep him safe. It was very tiring.
Around 1:30 I got a phone call from the office that CPS was on their way and needed to talk to the little guy (I can't even think of a fake name for him.) I was confused, since I know a report was made a week ago, why they were coming that day.
The lady showed up and our conversation went like this.
"I'm here to see Gary" (fake name, see I can make one up!)
"Okay, I'll go get him, but it might be a minute. Last time I checked he was naked."
(5 minutes later after wrestling clothes back on him I walked him to the office.)
"Thanks. I need you to leave us alone so I can talk to him."
"I can't do that"
(At this point she got angry with me)
"I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to him alone and you'll just have to understand."
"Okay, but remember that was your choice."
(Office door closes)
( 0.3 seconds later)
(Office door opens)
"You can come in with us." (No shit! You think I want to be in there for fun!? "Gary" was unmedicated and totally out of control.)
During the conversation I found out that something really bad had happened to him in the morning. CPS decided that he couldn't go back to the house and the social worker would need to find him a place to stay for the night. I explained my concern over Gary going with people who didn't know what to expect. Yes, he's only 7, but he's very difficult to understand if you don't understand his background. He's very wild, and always in survival mode.
I walked back to my room and between the office and the classroom (20 feet) the Social worker had called me twice. She asked me if I was serious about taking him. I said, "Yes" because I didn't want him traumatized with yet something else added to his baggage. I needed to call my husband to get his SS number. He answered the phone and as I was talking to him I opened my outside door to see him standing there. He knew I'd be upset about Gary leaving, so he came to say goodbye too and to just hang out with my kids (I LOVE MY HUSBAND!) Long story short we became his guardians.
Last night was really challenging. I think he had a great night. It broke my heart when he started to make up his own bed on the couch. I know it's great when a 7 year old knows how to do things, but the fact that he was doing this because he's never had anyone to really take care of him is just so sad.
We watched Coraline and had dinner. My husband got him to eat all his veggies (something I've never been able to do.) He went "manic" twice during the night. I don't know how to explain that other than imagine Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He'd go from totally sweet to trying to figure out how to kill us. The episodes lasted for 20 minutes and the other one was almost an hour. Gary finally fell asleep at 10:30 (we tried to get him asleep at 8!) He's on meds to help him sleep and we didn't have those either.
I think I slept an hour and a half. I kept imagining waking up with him standing over us with a knife. Sadly, he would do this if given the devices. It's really sad. I was really worried about the morning because it was my responsibility to take him to his day care to await his new family. Something he didn't want to do. However, in the morning he was back to being at total love bug. I got him there all on my own. He didn't even try to escape.
He is going to a Therapeutic Foster home. I hope they give him the chance he deserves. I hope they are really trained to take care of him the way he needs to be taken care of. I hope he has a wonderful Christmas. My husband and I are still in the process of finishing our paperwork. We'd like to be a respit home for him so we can still see him.
That's his short story. I have a million more. I should write a book.
As for my horse (that's why I have this blog right?) She's doing well. I took her bell boots off of her outside. She's to lazy to run hard enough to tear a shoe off outside. Sunday my hubby and I went out to see her (the fourth time he's seen her since May.) We walked into her paddock and she came nickering up to me. THEN she saw him, and she took off running to him. DENALI IS OBSESSED with my husband. She always has been since she first met him. I have no idea how she remembers him, or why she loves him so much ( I know why I do!) but she does.
Tomorrow the lessor is coming back out to ride her. I had my MRI this morning and have another appointment tomorrow. I'm walking better, but it still hurts. I am just hoping that it's fine.
Okay, I've had 3 hours sleep in 24. I'm off to bed!! Thanks for everyones comments! I'll let you know how Gary's doing as soon as I hear!!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Nobel Peace Prize
My husband needs nominated for it.... My student from the previous post? He's currently sleeping on our couch. He's unmedicated and we're exhausted! I'll post more later. I also need to tell you about Denali yesterday! This is my reminder!!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sucking at Life
I don't think I really think I suck at life, but I feel like it. This has been a real emotional week for me. For once it's not horse related. Monday one of my kiddos came in with really weird marks on his eyes. He said he didn't feel really well. I showed one of my assistants this little guys face and asked her what she thought it was from. She thought it looked like the marks that people can get when they are asphyxiated. I was shocked and thought she was crazy. Who would do that to a little boy? I asked him how his weekend was and he said it was fine. I took pictures of his eyes, and decided to call foster mom (you read that right, foster mom) to ask her about his weekend. She told me that some "crazy lady" got "pissed" at him at church and jumped on him. She continued to tell me that he said he stopped breathing, but she wasn't sure because she walked away. This my friends is the hardest part of my job. What I wanted to say: YOU ARE A FUCKING MORON WHO WAS ENTRUSTED TO KEEP THIS LITTLE BOY SAFE. What I said through a clutched jaw, "Have you contacted his Social Worker?"
A little background on "my" little guy. He is only 7 and has been through 6 foster homes in a year. He is not an easy kid and anytime I mention something crazy that happens in my classroom it is probably him. He is the one who wrapped himself around my knee and hurt me. He's thrown glue at me, hit me, bit me, punched me, thrown all bodily by products at me, but through it all I love him more than anything. He reminds me so much of some horses I have known. I know that SOUNDS INSANE, but think about it? He's never been treated nicely by any human being. He's spent 7 years being beaten and neglected. He needs to know what a loving home is and I can tell you from conversations I've had with foster mom (we refer to her as his "handler") he wasn't get that from her. I could write a whole other blog just on him.
Back to Monday. I walked out of my office, picked him up and just started crying. I couldn't help it. My kids asked me what was wrong, and I told them I was just sad because I was getting so old. They bought it. I couldn't believe this lady! I asked him how Church was on Sunday, and he said, "I didn't go to church." I wasn't surprised. He loved his foster mom, and didn't want to get in trouble. A little while later, during Math, he said to me, "Have you ever stopped breathing?" No, of course not, but I didn't know what to say to him to make him feel normal. I knew from his social worker this wasn't the first time he's been choked. I asked him why he was asking me and he proceeded to tell me the story of church. How he was mad at this lady and kicked her, and how she jumped on him and pinned him to the ground with her knee. He told me how he saw his foster mom walk away and that was all he remembered.
I walked back into my office and called his social worker,her supervisor, my supervisor, and then CPS.
Wednesday, I found out that he was being removed from the home. I was so happy for him to be away from such a horrible woman. Then I found out that the new foster home was 75 miles away. I'm so upset. My husband, who is a WONDERFUL MAN, gave me the go ahead to try to get the paperwork in order to foster. We don't want children. Not anytime soon, Denali is enough of a financial (trying to think of a word to go here...burden?)
Thursday I found out that the paperwork wouldn't be through fast enough. The social workers supervisor tried to get the paperwork through, but it would still be about two weeks with all the holidays. He needed to be out of the home by Monday. On Thursday he asked me if he was a horrible boy. I asked him why he said that. Guess who told him that? I told him she was a liar and there was no such thing as a horrible boy. We talked about life and what he wants to be when he grows up. He told me he wants to be a dentist.....right after he's a murder. Sigh.
Friday we made gingerbread houses and watched Toy Story. It was a good day. I didn't have the heart to tell him he's leaving his school too. It's going to kill me on Monday to tell him it's his last day. His social worker asked us to wait.
My husband and I are still filling out the paperwork to be a respite home for him. That way we can go and visit him. In reality he should be in a residential treatment center. He needs 24/7 consistency and predictability. Mostly, he needs love. He can't trust anyone. He trusts me which I think is what kills me so much. He's made so much progress in the few months we've had him.
Today hubby and I went Christmas shopping for him. We wanted to make sure he has something to open on Christmas, and we're not sure if his foster family will do anything for him. I've met two kinds of foster parents, AMAZING and those who are in it for the money. (ONLY MY OPINION!) I really hope this one is amazing. He needs amazing. He needs a miracle !! We got him some clothes, a stuffed Lion (to remind him to be brave) and another little toy. I heard that song "I'll be home for Christmas" and started to bawl. PMS much? But still, I feel so bad for him.
Okay... enough of my ramblings. If you've gotten this far thank you. Maybe think good thoughts for this little guy.
A little background on "my" little guy. He is only 7 and has been through 6 foster homes in a year. He is not an easy kid and anytime I mention something crazy that happens in my classroom it is probably him. He is the one who wrapped himself around my knee and hurt me. He's thrown glue at me, hit me, bit me, punched me, thrown all bodily by products at me, but through it all I love him more than anything. He reminds me so much of some horses I have known. I know that SOUNDS INSANE, but think about it? He's never been treated nicely by any human being. He's spent 7 years being beaten and neglected. He needs to know what a loving home is and I can tell you from conversations I've had with foster mom (we refer to her as his "handler") he wasn't get that from her. I could write a whole other blog just on him.
Back to Monday. I walked out of my office, picked him up and just started crying. I couldn't help it. My kids asked me what was wrong, and I told them I was just sad because I was getting so old. They bought it. I couldn't believe this lady! I asked him how Church was on Sunday, and he said, "I didn't go to church." I wasn't surprised. He loved his foster mom, and didn't want to get in trouble. A little while later, during Math, he said to me, "Have you ever stopped breathing?" No, of course not, but I didn't know what to say to him to make him feel normal. I knew from his social worker this wasn't the first time he's been choked. I asked him why he was asking me and he proceeded to tell me the story of church. How he was mad at this lady and kicked her, and how she jumped on him and pinned him to the ground with her knee. He told me how he saw his foster mom walk away and that was all he remembered.
I walked back into my office and called his social worker,her supervisor, my supervisor, and then CPS.
Wednesday, I found out that he was being removed from the home. I was so happy for him to be away from such a horrible woman. Then I found out that the new foster home was 75 miles away. I'm so upset. My husband, who is a WONDERFUL MAN, gave me the go ahead to try to get the paperwork in order to foster. We don't want children. Not anytime soon, Denali is enough of a financial (trying to think of a word to go here...burden?)
Thursday I found out that the paperwork wouldn't be through fast enough. The social workers supervisor tried to get the paperwork through, but it would still be about two weeks with all the holidays. He needed to be out of the home by Monday. On Thursday he asked me if he was a horrible boy. I asked him why he said that. Guess who told him that? I told him she was a liar and there was no such thing as a horrible boy. We talked about life and what he wants to be when he grows up. He told me he wants to be a dentist.....right after he's a murder. Sigh.
Friday we made gingerbread houses and watched Toy Story. It was a good day. I didn't have the heart to tell him he's leaving his school too. It's going to kill me on Monday to tell him it's his last day. His social worker asked us to wait.
My husband and I are still filling out the paperwork to be a respite home for him. That way we can go and visit him. In reality he should be in a residential treatment center. He needs 24/7 consistency and predictability. Mostly, he needs love. He can't trust anyone. He trusts me which I think is what kills me so much. He's made so much progress in the few months we've had him.
Today hubby and I went Christmas shopping for him. We wanted to make sure he has something to open on Christmas, and we're not sure if his foster family will do anything for him. I've met two kinds of foster parents, AMAZING and those who are in it for the money. (ONLY MY OPINION!) I really hope this one is amazing. He needs amazing. He needs a miracle !! We got him some clothes, a stuffed Lion (to remind him to be brave) and another little toy. I heard that song "I'll be home for Christmas" and started to bawl. PMS much? But still, I feel so bad for him.
Okay... enough of my ramblings. If you've gotten this far thank you. Maybe think good thoughts for this little guy.
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