Saturday, January 28, 2012

Miss Me?

I apologize for lack of posts, but my main subject now lives 2 hours away from me....

Live always seems to speed up in January, and there is no slowing down until April. I don't remember March at all last year, and before you know it summer is here. Let me sum up the month.

I think I mentioned before that I tried to talk my doctor into giving me Xanax due to fear issues. She wouldn't give it to me (Boo) but told me I "needed to go talk to someone." So, I've gone to go talk to someone. While I have my own thoughts, I have to say I actually feel somewhat better. You don't need to listen to all my rambling on the subject, but she helped me realize how much Denali and her subsequent illnesses/injuries have done to me. Great, I get that I have extreme guilt for everything she went though, but moving on...not so easy.

After 6 years of steadily gaining weight I decided to join a gym....I have a LOT of weight to lose... When I joined the gym I decided to join their "Transformation Challenge." It's 90 days and the winner gets XYZ. I've been busting my ass and lost 7ish pounds. I also got a personal trainer. It has made me really sad, but I used my "saddle fund" money to do so. I realized that I'm not going to need that anytime soon. I don't have a horse, and riding horses (while fun) just makes me feel so sad about Denali. Riding her still feels the best of any horse I've ever ridden, even fancy warmbloods. I know I should take every opportunity to ride as many horses as possible (and I am) but I think that Ophie's Mom's Boyfriend put it best, "She's just so much a part of my day to day life that I am lost without her." (That is in reference to the next topic.) Denali was my world with so many happy memories or riding/training and enjoying her. The past two years I spent on baited breath hoping that she would make it to the next day, that she was feeling okay, hand walking, wrapping, icing, drugging, etc. I enjoyed my time with her, but not the constant wondering if she was going to live.I started to see things differently. I miss that feeling. I don't know if that made sense at all. I'm just STILL so grateful that she's alive, she's happy, and she's healthy (FINALLY.) What a hell of a battle! I'm slowly going through Denali's stuff, selling what I know we won't need. Lots of tears, but I know that WHEN I get another horse, I'm going to want to buy him/her their own stuff. Denali is the queen, and if someone is going to use it, I don't want to know about it.

Ophie's mom moved. She left today to move to San Diego. I'm so, so sad. Not as sad as her boyfriend, but maybe a close second? Ophelia was retired, and moved in today with Denali! The caretaker (aka: wonder woman) reports there were lots of pricked ears and sniffing, but not a single squeal. I bet it was adorable. Wish I could see it. I am planning on going down next weekend to see the girls.

Lastly, my husband and I foster cats for a local rescue. We've fostered 6 or 7 but this one had my husband wrapped around her paw in no time. She is around 6 months old and was feral up to October 4th when her momma was caught. She has some interesting colors and has her moments. Why can't I just have normal animals!?! Welcome Nittany


Lisa said...

I've been busting my ass and lost about 7 pounds too!! Yay us!!

This is a sad and a hopeful post. I'm excited about your future. Thanks for the update! We do miss you.

SprinklerBandit said...

I can't even imagine trying to sort through all those things. Sounds like you are staying busying and on top of way more stuff than I can even think about.

Becky + Digby said...

That cat is adorable! He looks like he has a mustache on his chest... Or a very interesting bow tie perhaps? :) Either way, he's adorable.

achieve1dream said...

Sorry it's been so hard to adjust to D's retirement, but the best part is that she's happy and healthy. :D I think you're on the path to healing from all of the trauma. You're going to be fine.

Good job on the weight loss. Keep up the hard work. I bet you can win that money! Good motivation hehe.