BIG TROT: can't canter within a two mile straight-away.
NICELY STARTED: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet.
TOP SHOW HORSE: won a reserve champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings.
HOME BRED: knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.
BIG BONED: good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a cow.
NO VICES: especially when he wears his muzzle.
GOOD MOVER: runaway.
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: runaway.
SHOULD MATURE OVER 16 HANDS: currently 14 hands, dam is 14.2, sire is 15.3 hands, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 16 hands, but *this* horse will defy his DNA and grow.
WELL MANNERED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a week.
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a month.
RECENTLY VETTED: someone else found something really wrong with this horse.
TO GOOD HOME ONLY: not really for sale unless you can
1) Pay twice what he is worth
2) Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document to allow current owner to tuck him in beddy-bye every night.
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: never been out of the stall.
CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: clippity clippity is the sound of his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.
FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME: rider cannot afford to spend anymore time in the hospital.
QUIET: dead (almost).
WELL BRED: mother and father are also brother and sister!
COLOR IS BLACK: brown and/or dirty.
ANY VET CHECK WELCOME: Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
SUITS EVENTING: no brakes.
SUITS DRESSAGE: no accelerator.
WESTERN PLEASURE: lame on three legs most of the time.
HUNTER: lame on one leg most of the time.
TRAIL HORSE: always lame on all legs.