Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Horse Sales Terminology

BIG TROT: can't canter within a two mile straight-away.

NICELY STARTED: lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet.

TOP SHOW HORSE: won a reserve champion 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to tornado warnings.

HOME BRED: knows nothing despite being raised on the back porch.

BIG BONED: good thing he has a mane and tail, or he would be mistaken for a cow.
NO VICES: especially when he wears his muzzle.

BOLD: runaway.

GOOD MOVER: runaway.

ATHLETIC: runaway.
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER: runaway.

SHOULD MATURE OVER 16 HANDS: currently 14 hands, dam is 14.2, sire is 15.3 hands, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 16 hands, but *this* horse will defy his DNA and grow.

WELL MANNERED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a week.

PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED: hasn't stepped on, run over, bit, or kicked anyone for a month.

RECENTLY VETTED: someone else found something really wrong with this horse.

TO GOOD HOME ONLY: not really for sale unless you can
1) Pay twice what he is worth

2) Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document to allow current owner to tuck him in beddy-bye every night.

EXCELLENT DISPOSITION: never been out of the stall.

CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: clippity clippity is the sound of his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.

FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME: rider cannot afford to spend anymore time in the hospital.

QUIET: dead (almost).

SPIRITED: psychotic.

WELL BRED: mother and father are also brother and sister!

COLOR IS BLACK: brown and/or dirty.

ANY VET CHECK WELCOME: Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!

SUITS EVENTING: no brakes.

SUITS DRESSAGE: no accelerator.

WESTERN PLEASURE: lame on three legs most of the time.

HUNTER: lame on one leg most of the time.

TRAIL HORSE: always lame on all legs.

5 comments:

Mary said...

This is hysterical. I can't decide which is my favorite. I think the mother and father are also sister and brother made me laugh out loud. Or maybe the vet check to see what wrong, god that's funny stuff! Thanks for that.

Dom said...

This is the guide I send people when I tell them to look at a certain rescue organization's website. LOL. Never gets old.

K.K. said...

Yep!

WishIHadAHorsey said...

CLIPS, HAULS, LOADS: clippity clippity is the sound of his hooves make as he hauls butt across the parking lot when you try to load him.

Funny!

achieve1dream said...

LOL!! Hilarious!! My favorite is the clips, hauls and loads. :)