I had quite the horsey filled weekend. Yesterday was teeth day at the barn. It was sort of neat. The dentist that they use has a dental trailer. The horses walk right in and he has everything he needs right there. The owner of Mr. Man came out and we got to hang out and talk while he was getting his teeth done. He was such a good boy. She introduced me to the dentist as "Mr.'s new other mom." Made me glad she likes me enough. I do love the guy.
Today it was cold, it was windy, and it was raining. Mr. (I don't want to use his real name.... and I have yet to be creative enough to think of a good one. Anti-Denali?) and I had a date with him mom who offered to drive out and hang with me while I ride him. I appreciate it SO much because I am just unsure (read: NO Confidence) and it's nice to have someone there to help me. Today was one of those days, that if she wasn't there, I would have packed him up and given up before we got started. The horses have runs off their stalls, but don't have turn out right now due to the weather (see first line of paragraph.) Most of the horses were really amped up due to the weather. I walked Mr. up to the cross ties and started to groom him. He's shedding a ton and apparently he is afraid of his own hair.
He proceeded to have a mini-melt down and sparks were flying (from his shoes.) He was a good boy, and as soon as he stepped back he stopped, but my heart was going a mile a minute. He did this a few more times and I was just beside myself. Since his mom drove the whole way there I figured that I would suck it up. She finished tacking him up (since his tiny, mini-melt down caused me to have a mini-panic attacks.)
Once we got down to the arena the wind was blowing. There was some plastic on the barn that was flapping around, someone was shooting a gun, and horses were going coo coo. Mr.'s mom (who was not dressed to ride) was a saint and hopped up on him first for me. He of course was perfect and did everything she asked and then some. I felt a little better after watching them for a bit and jumped up on him when she was done. He was a really good boy and worked on lateral work. He's a pro at it. I just had a really hard time focusing. Everything was making a noise and he kept looking back at me like, "Lady, what in the hell is your problem?" Poor guy. I really pissed myself off. I wish I could just ride without having panic attacks about getting hurt. That was around 2:30 this afternoon and I swear my heart is still beating a mile a minute (at 10:45.)
This Thursday I have an event at school so I can't ride him, but I am going out Wednesday to watch his mom ride him in a lesson. She offered to let me ride him another day this week, so we'll see if I can find the time. I can't wait for summer (with less rain and wind) and more time to ride!
Edit: The only two kinds of horses I think I can ride without having a panic attack.
9 comments:
Can I ask why you choose a horse that still has that many issues? I would think with where you are at that a steady school master would be the way to go for the time being. There really are horses out there that don't have melt downs over silly things and I think if you found yourself one of those your confidence could be on it's way to recovery. I am not trying to be a pain I really just hate to see you enter into yet another situation that could potentially ruin your confidence farther.
He was used as a Theraputic riding horse for years for kids with disabilities. He is about as steady as they come (great when I rode him in the wind.) I think anyone else wouldn't even blink an eye over him worrying in the cross ties. He didn't have a total meltdown. (Unlike myself.) Its just the noise of hooves thrashing that sent me into a tizzy. Great/Amazing boy. I promise. :-)
He was used as a Theraputic riding horse for years for kids with disabilities. He is about as steady as they come (great when I rode him in the wind.) I think anyone else wouldn't even blink an eye over him worrying in the cross ties. He didn't have a total meltdown. (Unlike myself.) Its just the noise of hooves thrashing that sent me into a tizzy. Great/Amazing boy. I promise. :-)
You don't give yourself enough credit! I think you did a great job just because you stuck with it. Things will come easier (and don't worry I have a mini heart attack everytime I just have a horse on cross ties, due to an accident that sent me to the ER a year ago) Baby steps you will get there!!! The boy is lovely though looks like he would be very fun to ride!!
Say hi to Denali for me :D
Courage is moving forward in spite of your fears! Good for you for riding again. Also, any horse, even the most bombproof, can spook when conditions are right. Doesn't mean that your new Mr. is not a good fit.
Oh, I hear you. Fear is hard to overcome, but it is possible. Trust me. :)
I hear the the title of your blog a lot, or rather I've heard it applied to myself & my OTTB. We've survived & so will you. I have faith. :)
Your big guy is beautiful. Tee hee, that last one, the Champion, looks like he can go pretty fast.
Sounds like a great, confidence building lesson. Glad you went through with it. I misplace my "big girl pants" frequently and have to search for them, especially if I haven't been able to ride for 2, 3, 4 weeks at a time.
He's handsome!! Don't let it worry you so much. It takes time to conquer fear and you're doing all the right things to get there. :) Hang in there!
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