Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Wednesday Woes

Okay, no real woes, but I couldn't for the life of me think of something that could rime with Wednesday. It IS raining and crappy again, so I guess that I can "claim" that to be the woe part.

I think I mentioned it before on here, but my primary doctor won't give me any drugs to deal with my anxiety post trailer/bucking/horse almost dying accident(s). She made me go talk to someone. While I think it "helps" I wish it worked. I haven't gone in a while because I've been so busy, but decided that I should probably show back up at some point. I asked her about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing.) A friend of mine had a bad accident with her mare and did it, she rides and acts like nothing ever happened. My crazy doctor therapist told me that the mind is a wonderful thing, but if it experiences trauma sometimes it will process it, and move on, and other times it will process it and then stay in a state of "now." That is what happens with PTSD, your mind flashes back to the now and can't escape. She does something similar to EMDR, and we are going to try that on April 26th. Oh how I hope it works. At least a little bit. Anything. This whole fear thing in regards to horses sort of puts me over the edge sometime. I mean, a horse in the cross ties should not cause me to feel on the verge of a melt down. Boo.

In other news, I "officially" sold Denali's saddle. I was really sad when I sent it out on trial, and part of me wanted to hold onto it "just in case." I realized that was stupid. I still have her bridle, and doubt I can let go of that. I sold the saddle for about $200 less than it was "worth" because I wanted to just have it gone. It's sort of the final "omission" that she's done and won't be ridden. When I decided that something should happen (Denali retirement, moving to Seattle, changing jobs, etc.) I just want it done and over before I can think of it.


Mona Sterling said...

I will try not to leave a giant book in the comment sections of your blog, but I've been there (and sometimes still AM there) when it comes to anxiety and panic attacks. You might try taking L-Theanine (which you can get at Pharmaca or any vitamin/supplement store)on a daily basis. It doesn't do much for short term panic/anxiety, but it really helps get your adrenal system back on track. Considering that you went through multiple anxiety inducing situations, your adrenal system is probably pretty tripped out. Also, just 'talking' about anxiety or panic doesn't do much most of the time. Yes, it's good to acknowledge it and talk about the incident, but if you're having panic attacks there are lots of studies that show that just talking about it can sometimes make it worse. Panic attacks require very specific, planning type of counseling. The good news is that if it's panic attacks, you can actually work through a program to bring them way, way down.

If you want to talk about it in more detail ('cause I'm sure talking about crap like anxiety and panic and fear with a complete stranger off the internet sounds just peachy), you can email me at I have tried loads and loads and loads of different approaches for anxiety and panic attacks.

At the very least, know that you are not alone and that this will get better and easier. And there are other people who have anxiety with a horse in the cross ties.....

Lisa said...

EMDR really works. I had a huge fear of flying which resulted in me in hysterics, refusing to get on a plane more than once. Since I needed to fly for work, I decided to get help. The psychologist I went to used EMDR and after a few sessions I was able to fly. I hope you post on your progress. Good luck!

Gingham said...

For the record, I'm pretty sure that if you say your anxiety is related to traffic or your job or any mundane thing, the Rx's for xanex et. al seem to flow.
Just don't say you have something tangible like "HORSES" for them to work on :)

I'm not actually serious, but it does shock me how readily everyone seems to get prescriptions when they mention an "upcoming trip" or "stressful time at work"
ahhhh america.

WishIHadAHorsey said...

Hugs - you will find your path through the PSTD.

On another note, maybe it should be Wednesday Whoa - as in Tt's Wednseday, Whoa PSTD, I will ride you and not let you ride me :).

Hang in there.

SprinklerBandit said...

No advice here, but big hugs. Fear issues are horrid to work through, but I know you can do it.

achieve1dream said...

I hope the new therapy works. It does suck living with fear. It will get better though. :D