There's nothing that makes me want to do something more than to tell me that you don't think I can or that you're not so sure....blah, blah, BLAH.
I'm getting an ulcer. It's been a while, but I'm defiantly feeling it. I'm sure the gallons of Coke Zero I've been drinking hasn't helped.
Yesterday I ran out to the barn because I wanted to talk to my trainer about our conversation the night before. She was riding her horse and told me that she didn't have time to talk but we really needed to sit down and have a conversation.
You can't fucking tell me that and then expect me to not say anything.
I got pissed, even more so because I knew in my heart what she was going to try to tell me. I grabbed Denali (MY HORSE) and took her into the round pen. I did a little walking and trotting and getting her to listen to me. Then I went and got the dreaded flag.
You would have thought that the flag was on fire and trying to attack her. We worked for a long time, and I called it quits when she stopped freaking out and just stood still. She tried to rear a few times but I just made her go backwards as fast as I could so she'd think rearing was a really bad idea. I need to have a lesson on this, I don't remember how to do it exactly.
After that I was still pissed. I went to my trainer and asked her if she wanted me out of the barn and that's why she wanted to talk to me.
She said no, then went on to say that she's just not sure if Denali and I are a good match. Yada, yada, yada. Honestly it was an hour long conversation, but if I tried writing it all here my hands are going to fall off.
She said she just needs to sit down and think the pros and cons. I told her she hasn't given either one of us a chance. Denali has been ridden, but has not been in training since August. That I haven't done ANYTHING in the past 6 months really, and that she's not giving us a chance.
She said that she was talking with the other trainer from Monday night and that she just has some concerns. Safety is her number one priority (or so she said) and she just wants to make sure that this is a safe partnership. Honestly, I feel like it's me and Denali now against the world, and we no longer have a supportive trainer. If she can't believe in me, then it's going to be hard to believe in myself. If Denali was rearing up, or bucking, or trying to dump me, yes, I'd revisit the situation and wonder if it was a good relationship. BUT, she's not. She's green. I'm green. She's also a Thoroughbred. A young Thoroughbred who was trained to race. She needs time.
I told her if it never worked out that she was a riding horse that I'd keep her as my pet. She asked me if that was fair to Denali. Have you met my horse lady? She LOVES eating. She actually excels at it. Also, there are never guarantees when you sell a horse. Would it be fair for Denali to be ran into the ground then forced to have babies? Would it have been fair for her to be on someones dinner plate? There is no way for me to keep any of that from happening if I don't own her.
I was very nice talking with her of course. I love, love, love the barn. I love her too, but not when she doesn't seem to believe in me (or Denali.) The barn is so nice, but I feel like I need to start looking for a new home, JUST IN CASE. If Ophie and her mom weren't there I would have been gone after the "bit incident of '10." I think it would break my heart to leave and feel like I couldn't go back and visit them. I need to do what is best for my horse and for me.
I'm really frustrated. My husband (non-horsey husband at that, who is BEYOND supportive of me) put it best. "Maybe we need to find another trainer if she's not confident enough in herself to stand up for what she believe." (After bit incident and then yesterday.) Both times she's said things or done things is after other trainers have been at the barn. I'm not sure what it is she is thinking. He also said, "If you did put her up for sale what are the chances she'd offer to buy her or know someone who wanted her?" He's a smart man.
What I do know is I'm going to prove her wrong. I'm going to make the best relationship with my horse that she's ever seen, and then remind her that she didn't think it was going to work. I'm not an idiot, I know my horse. I've seen people with horses and a relationship that didn't work. I don't have that with her.
What do you think? I'm going to write in my boots "Be Brave" to remind me that I'm not going to die and I'm going to prove her wrong.
In the world of boarding, I need something 20 miles from Seattle (closer obviously better) with turn out for the majority of the day, but still able to feed grain at night. Indoor arena, stall, and being allowed to have my own trainer come in. All for $450.00. Not an easy task to find. Essentially I want my barn. Sigh.