Saturday, August 29, 2009

Touchy Feely Time...

When I bought Denali, I saved her from a fate unknown. I don't know who I was bidding against. I know it was one other person, who finally gave up. I don't know if it was the meat guy, I hope it wasn't, they were there that day, and she did look quite plump. I would bet though that it was really someone who wanted a horse for riding, not for a snack. She was ridden through (super drugged up) very calmly in a western saddle (which I now now makes her VERY nervous.) Anyway, I have had to put so much patience into that horse in the past year that I'm pretty sure anyone else there that day would have never taken the time to understand Denali and give her the time she needed to become the wonderful 4 legged pony beast that she is.

When I bought Denali I was struggling with depression. It came and went and at the time I was on medication, and things weren't going well. I HATE, HATE, HATE talking about it in person to ANYONE because it makes me feel like I'm crazy. I know that doesn't make you crazy, but I worry about everything (see previous 92 posts.) My doctor sent me to therapy to try to help, they drugged me up, and I went through life. I'd be better for a little bit, then start to slip which meant more drugs since nothing else helped. This was okay, I was not happy, but not depressed thinking bad thoughts. I just existed. When I was around horses I somehow always felt better. Not 100%, but I felt good.

Then I met Denali. I tried to explain to my husband that there was just something about her. I don't know what it is, I don't know how to explain it. I just KNEW she was my horse. I had looked at 36 other horses that day, knowing that I couldn't have one. When I saw her, I didn't care. I had to have her.

I now call Denali my prozac on 4 legs. After I got her I slowly started going off my meds and am now on nothing. No pills, no stupid sessions, no feeling horrible. I still get anxious and can usually sort out what's causing it, but when I can't I go to the barn and she comes running and I feel totally fine.

That makes no sense. But I 100% believe that I may have saved Denali that day, but she saved me forever.


SprinklerBandit said...

I'm glad you and Denali are together--you seem to be good for each other. Best of luck to both of you!

Anna said...

it makes 100% absolute perfect sense- I will bore you with my own 'just before Dancer came into my life' tale at some point.

Horses are the most amazing therapy on the planet.