Today was the first day in I can't remember how many weeks that I had nothing planned. Nada. My husband left early to go climb some icy peak, leaving me in a warm bed to sleep in until the neighbor's dog (who lives part time in our house per her choice) woke me up. Did she want out? Nope. She wanted a treat. So I gave her the second treat of the day (because I can guarantee that my husband gave her one too,) checked to make sure my husband's life insurance was up to date (okay, kidding on that one) and left to go find a new pair of jeans.
A moment of silence for my favorite Limited Jeans, I had them for 4 years.
I can't remember the last time I bought jeans. I keep saying I'm going to lose weight so I keep refusing to buy anything (that and one Ms. Slew keeps the bank account a bit slim.) Off I went with every intention of going to buy another pair at the Limited. I justified it because I haven't bought jeans in at least 4 years, and I can't remember that last time I bought any article of clothing that I don't wear to the barn. On my way there I had visions of my small children with markers, and scissors, and the fact that I am often covered in some sort of bodily fluid.
Cancel my trip to the Limited.
That and I have a fear of the mall. It's insane. I could spend HOURS at a tack store, but I can't handle the mall. Too many smelly, sweaty teens running amok and then I have to dodge the mall walkers. I think I'd rather unload Denali from a trailer.
I did stop at Old Navy and although I can hardly ever find a pair I like and that fit me, I decided to try on a pair, just in case. The first pair that I grabbed fit like a glove and I loved them!
The year was off to a great start and I decided to push my luck and go visit the beast. Today was a cloudless day in Seattle and you could see every mountain in every direction. It was beautiful. I figured it would be easy for the search and rescue team to locate my husband and our neighbor and that made me feel better. I realized that this entry is going in seven different directions, but I will quickly say that my fear of my husband's climbing involves a shattered leg, 3 broken vertebrae, a few broken ribs, a broken finger (he only ever complained about the broken finger) and over a year of rehab. He never once complained though and that's what made me fall in love with him.
When I pulled up to the barn the caretaker was there with her daughter. I really like her. Denali saw my car pull in and for the first time in a long time kept her eyes glued on me while I walked around the barn bundling up.
I finally made it up to the pasture and Ms. Slew came up to see me. She hasn't done this since we came to the vet's barn. I was excited. She seemed so calm and happy. I loved on her for a while and I finally felt some sense of peace. A sense of "okay, I get to keep you and I'm not loosing you anytime soon." I didn't realize how guarded I had become in regards to my feelings about her. It felt good to let that go, and for the first time since the beginning of November I felt happy at the barn rather than frustrated or upset. It was a great feeling to have a surge of love for my mare. I haven' had that since November. Don't get me wrong, I love her more than anything, but I defiantly built a wall. I think it's starting to come down.
After loving on Denali I walked down to talk to the caretaker. I really like her (did I say that already?) she talked to me about my fears. I have lots of them in regards to Denali. The whole trailering, almost dying incident didn't help. She made me feel a lot better and gave me a lot to think about.
She said that Denali needed to be turned in and that she would go and get her. I offered to go and get her myself and walked up to the pasture. There is a corral that the horses go into so you can separate them out of the herd. I yelled to Denali and she walked to the gate near the corral and came in with me. She was such a good girl. I know that sounds so dumb, being excited about leading your horse, but it's the first time I've handled her since my accident (I did once when we thought we were putting her down, but she was Aced.) She followed me like she always does and spooked once towards me so I hit her with the end of the lead rope and she backed off and continued to walk like a good girl.
It was a great day at the barn. The kind of day that you leave feeling like the weight of the world is lifted.
On my way home I had to run a few more errands at the mall again (and survived, 1 more point) and then went home to make dinner for my husband who returned from the icy peaks of the Cascades (yet another point, hell we'll say 2 for the spouse surviving.)
Welcome 2011. You've been very good to me so far. Let's keep it up for the next 364 days.