I've had a hard week. By Tuesday night I was so stressed with my own personal demons that I wasn't really sure if I could see the tunnel that is the weekend. Stupidly I cried myself to sleep. I have stupid reasons. One is work. I've been at this job since September, but the time is different (it starts two hours later than my last job, and as a result I get out two hours later.) This stresses me out. I don't feel like I accomplish anything, I don't feel like I have any time to do anything. All stupid I know, but it doesn't make me feel better. I know that it sounds just so stupid, but I get really stressed then I get anxious. I HATE anxiety. It's the devil.
Anyway, I got out of work tonight around 6:30. We had a meeting, and I left my classroom looking like a small bomb had gone off, or a war had taken place. It's bad. It's really bad. That stresses me out. I have two assistants. One helps me pick up the mess at the end of the day, the other one, I'm pretty sure, could really care less about the classroom. He doesn't help clean up anything unless I directly ask him to help me.
I ran out to the barn to see my Rx. Ms. Denali. I was stressed out about not getting out there. Stressed out that I can't ride. Stressed out about everything. Seriously, it's amazing what a horse can do. I called her name and she came galloping up to the fence. We shared an apple and I smelled her breath. It's so sweet, and I can't get enough of her smell.
I can be so stressed out, anxious, and a nervous wreck and just a few minutes the the pony makes me feel like a normal human being again. It's so nice. Now if I can get get the anxiety in check when I attempt to ride her I'm sure I'd be good.
RX: Denali, Storm City SlewDirections: Feed two carrots every two hours or as needed. Wrap your arms around her neck, the weight of the world will soon be lifted.
13 comments:
Anxiety sux's; it's awful. Sorry your having such a hard time. Between this post and the post on Tuesday it just shows how much teachers aren't valued (or paid) as much as they should be.
Your Rx Instructions are hilarious tho! And I'm slightly jealous if your horse's breath smells sweet. All of mine, I'm convinced there breath smells like Doritos...
--jj
Ooooo, if they're a prescription, maybe we could get our health insurance to pay for them? Lol.
I've never tried Xanax, but I've heard great things about it -- maybe that would help on days that you can't see Ms. Denali. (And, actually, anyone with your job probably really needs anti-anxiety medicine...or a good, stiff drink!)
I hope things improve for you, girl. :-) Just make sure ya get your Pony Time in whenever ya can!
Sorry about the anxiety. I've dealt with it the better part of my life and finally got on some anxiety meds through most of college and all of grad school. Now that I'm out of school, I'm off the insurance covered meds and onto a Horsie RX of my own :) Except paying for him stresses me out too. sigh, I like Frizzle's idea to get our insurance to pay for our big therapists!
Horses are great medicine for all that ails us. Teaching is very difficult job, and it's great that there's caring, dedicated teachers like you to do it.
Sorry to hear about the anxiety, but the fact that you are recognizing it is actually a step in the right direction towards getting rid of it. And same goes for when you're on her back- if you feel like you're getting anxious, or fearful acknowledge it and recognize it and it will be easier to let it go. Anxiety serves no purpose, worrying does not change anything. If you can't do anything about it right then and there let it wait until you can do something other than worry. Of course it's all MUCH easier said than done, I know firsthand. But we control our thoughts, and if what you are thinking about at any given time is causing you to feel anxious, think about something else! All we have is this moment-right now-not tomorrow and not yesterday.
Sorry for getting long winded on this-it's a big personal struggle I'm fighting too. The equine Rx is the best drug there is! I wish I could buy a horse-breath scented candle for my office!
Good luck.
It's funny because I use to take medication for anxiety/depression. I went off of it after a while because I felt really good and didn't feel like to take it. This was right after I bought Denali. Then in the past year, oh well. I hate taking it, it makes me feel funky, but when I took it I felt better in the saddle, so I'm going back on Monday to see if she can give me something again. At least for now... Thanks everyone! I appreciate the support
word verification: ferits
Going to the barn has become my cure all for everything. Since we purchased the boys a year ago, I feel less stressed, less anxious and I have even been less sick that I have ever been in my life. Even though I can't totally prove it, I like to think that all of those things are because my boys are my stress reliever and I know, whenever I am having a bad day, I can go see them and it makes everything better. They have no expectations for me other than to bring them a few treats and they give me all the nuzzles and love I could ever need.
Yeah, that's why I think that I take it so hard when I have a hard time when I have a bad day with Denali.
I have had a really hard time with anxiety all of my life. I got a lot out of reading Jane Savoie's book, "It's not just about the ribbons" I am much anxious anymore.
I do have to agree that pony breath is very therapeutic though!
JJ maybe you need to stop feeding them Doritos. lol :)
Chin up Denali! You're a brave and amazing person to teach a class full of little ones... that in and of itself is a testament to your patience and desire to make others happy. Just don't lose sight of making yourself happy! I know on days when I can't see my horse (which is definitely my Rx too) I try to spend some extra time cuddling my cats or working on some sewing project or other. And Spring is just around the corner which means flowers, sunshine, and warmer weather :)
Mmmmm you've got a sweet horse's breath, doncha!? ;)
Oh damn anxiety. It's the worst. I literally have been feeling your pain lately...to the point where I'm one step away from scheduling an appt for some meds to help me thru my day. Work is nuts, my Husband's unemployed/back to school for teaching, vet bills coming out of my ass, driving two hours there/back to see my RX..it catches up. When u find a solution..please share!!!!!!!!!!!! xoxo
I have been suffering with anxiety for the past month related to an inner ear problem. Xanax has been a lifesaver for me. I hate having anxiety =(
Sorry to hear you're feeling stressed. If its any consolation, I would feel the same having to shift my working day two hours later. I prefer to get work out of the way as early as possible. Thank goodness you have Denali to help relieve your stress.
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