Saturday, March 6, 2010

Top 10 Exercises to Become A Better Equestrian

I spent the morning wishing that my hip would feel less like it was on fire and more like a normal body part again. I was playing around and found this on A Goth and Her Horses blog. Seriously, not sure the last time I laughed this hard.

Top 10 Exercises to Become A Better Equestrian

10. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout, "Get off, Stupid, GET OFF!"

9. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball and spring to your feet.

8. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse and write out a $200 check without even looking down.

7. Jog long distances carrying a halter and a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you are doing - they might as well know now.

6. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling to a halt. Smile as if you are having fun.

5. Hone your fibbing skills: "See hon, moving hay bales is FUN!" and "No, really, I'm glad your lucky performance and multimillion dollar horse won the blue ribbon. I am just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place."

4. Practice dialing your chiropractor's number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.

3. Borrow the US Army's slogan: Be All That You Can Be -- bitten, thrown, kicked, bucked, slimed, trampled, frozen...

2. Lie face down in a puddle of mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself, "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience, this is ..."



Anonymous said...

That is just too funny!!! I actually laughed out loud and made the dog jump!!

oh and "perfect" horse threw me off today...well no, I can't say that.... actually she sacrificed me to whatever horse-eating-monster was rustling in the woods along the trail so she could go for help....truthfully, she was gonna "save" us both but she decided to spin to the left and I made the wrong decision to go flying right...needless to say it sure does something to the mental connection you think you have with your horse when you watch it go riding down the trail with an empty saddle...she eventually slowed, turned around, and came back with her head hanging low and a "I'm sorry" look in her eyes.

neith said...

I can't take full credit for it. I found it someplace, but sadly, I can't remember where. Thanks for mentioning me on your blog though! That made my day!

Kristen Eleni Shellenbarger said...

So funny and also..not! :)
#8 is my personal number that I seem to be stuck on lately!! UGH..I guess I should have seen "marry Money" but oops, too late. ;)