Friday, November 26, 2010

Confused

Confused is the best way to put it.

I don't even know how to explain this.

The vet called us this morning at 8:30 and asked if we could come out and talk to her. When we got there Denali was in the arena running around doing flying lead changes.

She is sound.
She didn't fall.

We are all confused. Very confused. The vet doesn't have explaination, we were crying because if the truck hadn't cancelled we would have just put her down.

That's still not off the table, but I did call our old barn and asked her to hold Denali's stall JUST in case.

I feel so bad for dragging you through this. I feel horrible and sick. We are going to check her on Sunday to see how she is doing and re-evaluate. Today she is turned out, and it's probably the adrenaline, but Denali looked good.

I understand if you hate me. I do.

Maybe we got a miracle? Maybe we're getting a few more days? I don't know, but we are all confused, very confused.

30 comments:

Kate said...

EPM, if that's what it is, is a really weird disease, with strange changes and ups and downs. It could be that she'll continue to improve, it could be that she'll get worse, it's very hard to know. I would think the thing to do would be to take it one day at a time, and see whether the improvement continues or if she relapses - then you'll know what to do - but listen to what your vet says, but also to your heart.

How in the world could anyone hate you? What you have to deal with is very stressful and it's good to have the blog to talk about it - we certainly don't mind and do the best we can to be supportive.

Dom said...

This would be the most incredible Thanksgiving miracle. I am hoping she keeps it up. This is such an unexpected and joyous entry. Fingers crossed!

WishIHadAHorsey said...

I know nothing about EMP but agree with Kate that right now might be day by day time. Listen to your vet, your heart and Denali.

And no one hates you. This situation has been tortuous for the two of you with improvement then regression happening without any warning. You have given so much of yourself freely that this is a safe place for you to be confused, hurt, happy, etc.

Muddy K said...

Oh, my. First thing is, you got lucky. You have more to give Denali, she has more to give you. Second thing, no one could hate you! We care, and we're following along because of it.

I know this roller-coaster is taking its toll on you, but even an existentialist like me has to see that sometimes things happen for a reason. Your love for D is sincere, and the affection of your readers is just as sincere, and maybe -- who knows -- all of it helped lift the situation. I know you must be overjoyed to see Denali feeling better right now, no matter what happens.

Mrs Mom said...

Fingers crossed and knee mail going for you both!

Hate you? Not hardly!!! ;)

Gryph said...

*HUGtight* Hopefully she continues to improve. We're both rooting for you!

-Cyg and Gryph

Amanda said...

KEEPING THE PRAYERS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are working! Thank God for the snow so the truck had to cancel! What great news! I hope hope hope hope hope this keeps getting better!

No hate for you here! =)

thefigureouter said...

What a gift! Lots of prayers coming your way still, I hope she continues to do well and that you can find peace with the situation (whatever it is!!).

Miles On Miles said...

NO ONE hates you! Goodness...take it day by day, or hour by hour. Thank God or the Universe or whatever you have some more time with your girl, and right now she is feeling good!

Jennifer said...

How could we ever hate you? We all some back to read you blog because we care about both of you and we want to support you. Like everyone else has said, take it day by day and listen to what Denali is telling you. It's a Thanksgiving miracle. And at the very least you have a little more time with her. Enjoy it!

Frizzle said...

Nobody hates you!! We're all pulling for you and Denali. :-) And, like others have said, maybe all of that positive energy that we've been sending DEnali actually did some good. I'm sitting here with *happy* tears in my eyes because maybe you DID get a miracle.

Of course, I know it's hard to get your hopes up, because you never know if things might come crashing down. This is a very confusing roller coaster of a ride that you've been on. Just try to appreciate any and all of the good days that you and Denali have. And if the bad days start outweighing the good, you'll know what to do.

Like Amanda said, maybe the snow and the truck cancelling happened for a reason. Or maybe it's all just a big coincidence. But I am an eternal optimist, so I am hoping that Denali continues to improve. Fingers, eyes, and hooves crossed!

*And, how funny is this -- the word verification is "caring"!!*

Jen said...

No one hates you. I'm thinking it was a miracle. And if it is a miracle, run with it. Just take everything day by day to see how she's doing.

Believe me, no one hates you. This is a very stressful thing that you've had to deal with. Nobody would blame you at all.

More prayers on their way!!
-Jen and Dollar

Parelli Central said...

Hoping with you for the best...

Petra Christensen
Parelli 2Star Junior Instructor
Parelli Central

Tami said...

Denali's Mom
Im sitting here reading your blog and crying..I keep saying out loud dont do it try 1 more time. I feel your saddness as if it was my own. I dont know alot about EMP, I think you should give it another try.

Anonymous said...

Note from Canada...all day at work I was dreading what you were going through..and was scared to check tonight. You are in SO many peoples' hearts that some one heard and DID something. Go get that cherry likit! OTTB's have a lot of heart. Love from all at our barn.
Windover Riding School

Story said...

Sometimes things happen for a reason! I think people can only be happy to hear news like this.

Slbaldwin said...

I am praying for you and your pony. And I can't imagine anyone hating you, if anyone would go through different feelings and would just put the horse down anyways then I would question that bond. It is confusing, very confusing, but keep holding on in there!

Your heart will tell you what is best, just listen to it.

Joanne (Jo) L. Belasco, Esq. said...

I can't find your contact information, but can you email me at jo @ jobelasco.com ? I know of someone who had an EPM horse who has gone into some kind of remission. I don't know if she can help you, but who knows. It never hurts to talk, right?

allhorsestuff said...

OH!!!
I just wrote something about the great tribute that "A fearsome Beauty" wrote... to come over and read that Denali is HERE Still!
I'm really happy and surprised...and happy that you shared it all..no matter what comes!
We love our horses dearly, as family and a gift of God to our hearts...there NEVER could be a
H- - - - - bone in our bodies for you sharing this with us..we all already feel like it is us, and want to support you, as you will, when we have heart wrenching things occur.

I am really praying for Denali mare to be well, and for your heart to hold.
(((XO)))
KK

Mare said...

HATE YOU? What?! Why on earth would we hate you? You've had so much to deal with recently, and our job, as your followers is to SUPPORT you, NOT HATE YOU! Shame on anyone who would think any less of you...

I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope for that Thanksgiving miracle:)

Many hugs,
Mare

Aced: said...

I don't know that I've ever commented but I've been following your ups and downs since you were featured on Eventing a Go-Go and I relate to your story SO much. When I saw the post that the truck was cancelled I KNEW, deep down inside, Denali had a chance. Everything happens for a reason and that bad weather you've been having obviously is playing it's part. I hope, after all this, you end up with a happy sound healthy horse and a greater appreciation for everything out there.

Appreciate everything that happens and do what YOU KNOW is right. It will all be clear when it needs to be.

achieve1dream said...

Oh my goodness! I am so shocked to read this and so happy!! When I read your post about the truck being canceled yesterday I sat there and thought to myself there has to be a reason! Then I prayed for a miracle for you and Denali (which I rarely do because who am I to ask for a miracle?) . . . maybe this is a miracle. If it is then you and Denali totally deserve it! And we could never hate you for good news. Never! Enjoy this time with her. I will still be sending my prayers to you and D that she continues to improve. *hugs*

OTTB-Little Big Red said...

We have no hate for you - only admiration. What you and your loved ones are going through is very tough.

la mexicana said...

OTTBs are fighters. Glad to hear she is feeling better!

Janine said...

We could never hate you! We would be thrilled if Denali could go home? I believe there is a reason for everything!! Maybe there was reason that the truck couldn't get there???? Lots of love!!!!

Carol said...

An acquaintance of mine had a horse who was diagnosed with EPM, then the diagnosis changed to Wobblers. The horse was staggering and falling down and it appeared that the only option was to put him down. Then he started getting better and now appears sound. She's decided not to ride him until spring, but I guess my point is that it seems like both of the above are hard to diagnose and the outcome maybe unclear?
I wanted to write this before, but thought you had enough confusion and the case I knew about was probably a fluke. (Also maybe you'd be inundated with stories when you really needed to focus on your own case.)
Anyway, I sure hope for the best for you and Denali. I'm thinking that the reason you could think anyone would be angry with you is because you're exhausted and confused. Everyone is happy for you, trust me.

Andrea said...

We are hoping and pulling for you guys!!! And with the load of donations we got in, maybe we can instead send a BUTTLOAD of Cherry Lik-Its!!! ;)

Karla said...

Nothing but love for you, Denali and your family, now and always. Truly something to be thankful for, no matter what happens! Prayers continue from my corner of the world!!!

My verification word is "amen"

Ashley said...

we do NOT hate you. If anything this is what we've been HOPING for you! None of us want to see her put down! ALL of us want to see you keep your baby!!

Nicole said...

I had been avoiding your blog for the last few days beccause I really didn't want to hear what happened. I check it today and am so glad she's still fighting.
I know how hard it is to have "it" scheduled and cancel, I went throgh probably 6 appointments with my Akita before the end. Looking back I joke now that he must have heard me scheduling and held out for me. But it got me another 18 wondderful months with him. God bless the fighters!
I've worked in the veterinary field for over 12 years and every day I have to say the animals amaze me.
Hugs! And no one hates you, I'm praying for your whole family, (four legged members combined).
My thought and prayers are with you.