After everything that Denali and I have been through, all the ups and downs (and even deeper downs) she taught me to respect horses. I learned that you can't just jump on any horse and make it go. You need to form a partnership, and have a mutual respect for one another. I always knew this, but with Denali it was just so important.
I have hoped on school masters and they did anything I asked. With Denali it was harder, more work, and more rewarding. I went from being utterly terrified of her and other horses to gaining confidence in myself and my ability to ride.
In two and a half years I wasn't able to ride her as much as I would have liked. Her issues, and my issues kept us in different schedules. I had her in training when I was hurt, and watched her develop into one of the prettiest horses I've seen under saddle. I would daydream about our first show together, and I don't doubt that we will do that, it just won't be on this Earth. Plus, I hope that by the time I get to heaven, I'm a better rider.
In my times of fear I had a lot of people riding her. I have to say that one of the proudest pictures I have is the one above. It was our last ride together, the last time she was ridden. I can proudly say that I was the last person to ride my baby.
Denali made me into a horse person and for that I will forever be grateful to her.
Two more days. I'm starting to feel ill.
11 comments:
Bless you for doing the best thing for your horse, even though it is so painful...
Be assured there are many many folks thinking of you at this difficult time. We will be here for you, to read your blog, and to send you whatever comfort we can, as you work through this difficult time.
namaste
I recently stumbled across your blog and I wanted to say that I am so sorry that you and your lovely Denali are going through this. It's tough. Just focus on the fact that Denali will be happier, she won't be locked in a stall or worrying about tripping and getting hurt in the pasture. Don't let anyone tell you that you are taking this too hard, as I know horses are our life. Of course when you lose a horse, it will never stop hurting, but there will be other horses that you love as well. Lots of hugs and give Denali lots of kisses and carrots!
Just listening, that's all.
Of course you feel ill. When love is that deep, attachment that strong, even the body fights the shock of such loss. Take it one moment at a time if you can. I know it might sound stupid, but remember to breathe. Denali still needs you.
Breathe deep and hang on to those happy memories!! This was a beautiful tribute to a lovely mare!
Chin up. Your doing what a lot of people cannot do. Just this morning I stopped in to a barn where a horse was very old and very skinny because the owners had the old=skinny idea. However the horse really did need to be euthanized it has arthritis so bad you can see it and even the owner said himself that the horse needs to be put down but his wife loves it too much. Thats selfish if you ask me :C
I remain impressed by your self awareness and perspective. You are already aware of so many lessons that all too often often take years of hindsight and thoughtful reminiscence to discover. Keep Calm. You're amazing. (and I still have stashed whiskey if we need it..)
I agree with Mrs. Mom: breathe deep. I know that soon your memories of her will be just the happy ones. Hold onto that, because it will happen. I promise.
I just found your blog today and wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your loss! You put your horse first, and you did the best you could...
May you have a blessed Thanksgiving during this difficult times. Sending positive thoughts your way... I hope you will be able to celebrate the good times you had together...
Petra Christensen
Parelli 2Star Junior Instructor
Parelli Central
I agree. Laz is the hardest horse I've ridden b/c of his sensitivity. Denali has that too. It's a gift to make us better riders but mostly deeper horse lovers and respecting them more as their individual souls.
I know the countdown...it's frightening and scary. But I hope you find peace on Friday knowing you did the best you could for her. I really think that Denali would thank you.
It doesn't make it any easier, I'm sure. Please know that I will be sending you mental support. You are strong. xo
Oh sweetie, I can't imagine the pain you're going through, with the day approaching.
Ok, so I'm watching Reality Bites right now, and one of my favorite lines in the movie made me think of you and Denali.
"We all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again, but I love her."
So sorry sweetie. Strength to you in the coming days. It's a lovely picture you have of your last ride.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this! The waiting has to be the most awful thing ever. :( If you need anything just let us all know and we will do what we can. My thoughts are with you and D.
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