So, I decided to do some more reading on EPM since I am just so confused about Denali's quick decline. I found this (someone posted the link, and I decided to read it.) It talks about vaccinating a horse with EPM and how you shouldn't do it because it can cause it can cause an increase of symptoms.
I didn't know she was sick.
She got her fall shots in October.
My life started to fall apart shortly after her shots.
The decline since her shots in October has been remarkable. Unbelievable. I wonder if I was a neglectful owner if she would still be okay. ROAR!! (Friends are visiting me, and I'm currently being a horrible host because I can't stop thinking about Denali, so in addition to ignoring them I'm blogging about ignoring them.)
15 comments:
Aww, I just wanted to let you know that we're all with you. The day I first stumbled upon your blog was the day you announced that you were going to have to put Denali down. I, as a person who is not easily brought to tears, was somewhat astounded at how moved I was by Denali and your story. I proceeded to spend the next two and a half hours neglecting my work, and enjoying reading old posts. As I look out over the beautiful Seattle landscape, I'll think of you and Denali knowing you'll have had the opportunity enjoying the same PNW glory together. You should thank yourself for giving her such a wonderful life.
I think you're being too hard on yourself. You gave Denali every chance in the world. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! For some reason life likes to send us curve balls, I have no idea why, but in the end, it's never your fault. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's an impossible choice, but I don't doubt it's the right one. You know your horse, so listen to her. If she's told you this is too much, than you're doing the right thing...Remember that!
Lots of love,
-Mare
That's tough news to take.... but you could drive yourself crazy second-guessing everything. The fact of the matter is that you were being a responsible horse owner and vaccinating your horse like the rest of us do every year, twice a year. No way you could have known that it would have that effect. I'm sure you know that, but it still must be difficult. Don't worry about ignoring your friends... if they're really friends, they'll get it!
You were trying your hardest to PROTECT her. You didnt do anything wrong! It is not your fault! You are only doing what the rest of us horse owners do, the best we can to keep them from getting sick. Hugs and prayers
I know, I know. I could sit here beating myself up. I guess it helps give me some peace, knowing why she went downhill so fast. Thanks for your kind comments. They really do help.
Don't blame yourself - you did everything you and your vet thought was right and you can't do "what ifs" unless you want to drive yourself crazy. Sending good thoughts.
You absolutely cannot blame yourself for this! What if you didn't vaccinate and she got something else because you didn't? What if you dropped your coffee and the moon turned blue? Please stop beating yourself up. You saved her and gave her a wonderful 2 years which is more than she would have had. You are a great horse owner and have done more for her including opening your heart to a pasture pet if possible. And you are doing the right thing now.
I am soooo sorry you are going through this.
(Can't remember if I hit preview or publish so if this is a repeat, please do not post!)
Please do not beat yourself up over this! You do not know what would have happened if you had not vaccinated. What if she got something else? I really think there should be a law against putting 'what' and 'if' together.
Bottom line: this is NOT your fault and you can NOT blame yourself for this.
Just read the link and found this in paragraph 2:
"The geographic location of your horse, as well as the boarding situation may make delay beyond the end of treatment a risk factor for other diseases. There is no published protocol for vaccinating the recovering EPM horse."
Again, she could have been at risk for other diseases and who knows what would have happened. There is no protocol in this case so you CANNOT BLAME YOURSELF.
Hugs!
Despite our best efforts...we can never predict what might trigger something, what slip may cause what injury...etc...life happens. Don't beat yourself up. You love her.
I just found your blog and am in tears. Just remember, animals are not afraid to die.
I've never had to put one of my own down, my oldest girl is 26 though... I think that reading about someone else's experience with this will help me when the time comes. I just wanted to thank you for that.
I do think it's natural to search for some kind an answer, a reason for what happened -- I did this myself when Mac passed away. "Was it the Equioxx he was on for arthritis? Did it have something to do with the injections that we gave him for his melanomas?" etc., etc. I do think it's a part of the grieving process - we just want to know WHY, and to make some sense of it all. But sometimes, there just isn't an answer.
You did everything you could. Obviously, if your vet thought there was some reason to not vaccinate, he/she would have told you. (Not trying to place blame on the vet, either, just pointing out that this is something that not even the trained professional picked up on).
I did have to chuckle at you ignoring your guests, lol. :-D
I'm sorry. I should not have given you that link. I didn't intend for you to find fault with yourself or blame yourself. As I stated before (and a lot of other people said), you did not know she was sick! It is not your fault! Every day you live you are taking risks. The vaccines were a risk (that you weren't even aware of!). Besides who knows if that is truly what put her in decline? It could easily have been something else. I am truly sorry if I have caused you distress. I wish there was something I could do to help.
Achieve1dream, don't worry. :) It actually helps me find peace knowing "why" she might have gone down hill so fast.
Okay, I'm glad to know that. I would feel awful to think I could cause you more distress in such a difficult time. *hugs*
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