This has to be the worst week in my entire life.
I thought I would enjoy the time spent with her, loving on her, grooming her. I do, don't get me wrong, but it also breaks my heart knowing what is coming. I can't stop crying, and I haven't told a lot of people. I can't listen to their opinions. Now that's a trot left this quote, and I need to keep reminding myself, "Better when it's hard for us than hard for them." That has helped me a lot (I already am crying all the time so I am saving the video for later.) It still breaks my heart that she is so happy right now. She can't move without almost falling over, but she's happy doing it.
My husband and I talked again about the "what if's" but it keeps coming back to the only way she would be safe is if she is in her stall all the time. I can't do that to her. I love her way to much to do that to her.
I went and bought her one of each type of apple to see if she has a preference. Nope, she loved them all (well at least the ones I fed her. I didn't want her to cholic and suffer.)
Tonight was a friend's surprise party, so a few weeks ago her husband asked me to keep her busy. So, being a good person, aside from the massive brusing, and internal heartbreak, I kept up with my promise. She is from up north, so I took her to the tack shop that is farther south.
Like an idiot, I picked up the expensive snacks I never bought for Denali (because I can make them myself for 1/4 the price) and while checking them out I burst into tears and stood there in my too tight yoga pants, and slightly shrunken hoodie bawling. I didn't even explain, I just walked out and waited for my friend. Poor girl. I hope she had a good party. I couldn't go and be a party pooper.
I love you Nawlers.
I asked my husband to finalize the plans. I can't do it and I know I will keep putting it off.