Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dreams and the Vet

I keep trying to dream about Denali. No dream, instead I woke up anxious and nervous and slightly sick to my stomach. I woke up today trying to figure out if this is the right thing to do. I decided that I needed to let Denali's regular vet know. I have been waiting to do it because I really like her and I know that calling her would just result in me bawling.

So I did it the chicken's way. I sent her a text message. About ten minutes later she called. I love Denali's vet, I do. She is so nice and understanding. Of course we both ended up bawling on the phone (she loves Denali too, who doesn't.) She had called the vet who is treating Denali and talked to her before she called me. She made me feel better about our decision. Not easy, but fair to her. We talked about the progression of her symptoms. I questioned if it could be something else other than EPM. Denali seemed fine in September, a few stumbles, up to November when she totally lost it and ended up in the dirt. Sweet girl tried so hard for me when trotting. I would yell at her to pick up her feet when she'd trip. I thought she was being a klutz. I didn't recognize that something was seriously wrong.

I love you mare!!


Snowhawk Przhevalsky said...

This is for you. I want to get it sprayed with a fixative (so it doesn't smudge), framed, and send it to you.


I'm sorry it's a little blurry, it's a photo of the drawing. I used one of her summer pics.

If I can send it, email me your address at damantru (at) gmail . com, and I'll send it along as soon as it's ready.

Denali's Mom said...

Thank you, so much. It means so much to me to have such a huge amount of support around me.

achieve1dream said...

Don't feel guilty. There is no way for you to have known back in September what was going on. If I'm guessing correctly this was your first time dealing with this so it's understandable that you would miss the signs. I know I would miss them because I know very little about the disease. I also agree that you are making the right decision. It isn't fair to hold on to her if she is hurting and unsafe to herself from the falling. Just always remember that you loved her and you did a hell of a lot more than most people would for their horse (not bad mouthing anyone - just the type of people that I grew up with would not have done what you have done for your beautiful girl). My thoughts are still with you.

Also if you are interested in reading about EPM (I was because I basically knew nothing about it) I found this site http://www.epmhorse.org/default.html She even has a blog for her horse who has EPM. It was interesting.

Muddy K said...

You dear, dear heart, it's a natural part of the agonizing process you are going through right now with Denali to come to the verge of certainty and then be haunted by second thoughts. It can't ever be easy because your love for her is so profound, but maybe there can be peace, with time. I think many people hope that for you and your husband. I know I do. Thinking of you and your lovely D.

davsgirl said...

I've never posted before, and you don't know me, but I've been reading your blog after seeing a link on Gogo's several months ago, and my heart is just breaking for you.

It's obvious to everyone how much you love Denali, and I hope you're not second guessing anything you do or have done. You've always had her best interest at heart, and everything you've done has been with love and caring.

I'm fearful that I am going to be in a similar position with my older appy boy in the not too distant future, and I dread it. It's so hard to know when is the right time. I hope to have your strength and clear head when the time does come.

Take care of yourself, and hugs to that beautiful girl Denali....from me, my app LV and my OTTB Monkey.